


One More Time

by clarkjoekent



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hyuuga Neji Lives, Kind of a fix it ?, M/M, Panic Attacks, Slow Build, So much angst, im so sorry, some violence but nothing too graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2020-11-22 06:57:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20870081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarkjoekent/pseuds/clarkjoekent
Summary: Kakashi never thought in a million years he'd find someone who would genuinely love him.





	1. The thoughts of a broken Ninja.

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy some angsty Kakashi. Comments and kudos are always appreciated!

Since age 8 Kakashi knew he'd never find anyone who would love him. Yeah his sensei said he loved him, and he knew Rin loved him, he also knew that it was a hollow kind of love. A love pushed on them by sheer proximity. Kakashi found that the closer his team got the worse the hollow love got and when his father died he had given up on having any kind of feelings. Intimate contact was strictly forbidden. Hugs were out of the question, anyone trying to hug him got a glare worse than the sun. Hands were for throwing kunai or his Chidori and that was that. It wasn't like it was hard for him to avoid being touched because no one wanted to touch him anyway. He was content on living alone despite the ache buried deep in his chest. It had hurt him when his sensei and Obito had died and when part of him died when he killed Rin. He had let the tears from Obito's eye leak out, feeling the Sharingan spin angry and red however, no tears fell from the eye he was born with. He had not cried for his father and he wouldn't cry for anyone else. He stood in silence at each funeral, more and more resolved to living as far away from human contact as he could get. He was a Shinobi. No need for baseless love or weak emotions. He had grown numb to it all.

Enter Gai. A loud child with no ability to keep his emotions in check. He stumbled his way into Kakashi's life with demands of rivalry and youth. While it annoyed Kakashi to no end, it also confused him. The dull ache he had tried so hard to cover up would bounce back whenever Gai would smile or leap around. He tried swallowing it back down but he couldn't. Such a foreign feeling for him - love, if that's what it was. Kakashi had very little experience in that emotion so he couldn't be so sure.

On the morning of Kakashi's 16th birthday, Kakashi was making breakfast while planning on either staying closed in or begging Lord Third for a 3 week mission, he was going to decide after eating. Standing by the counter with food in hand, chopsticks in his mouth, Gai bounded into his apartment like a jackrabbit while simultaneously screeching something about birthdays and youth. Kakashi barely had time to swallow before Gai did what no ninja has ever dared to do - he hugged him. A rib crushing, air way blocking full body hug. Kakashi had spent all this time avoiding this situation. He didn't hug back because his arms were stuck to his sides, probably because Gai knew Kakashi would fight back. It felt like hours before Gai let him go. When he did Kakashi took several steps back and glared at his rival. Gai ignored it and continued on rambling about how just because Kakashi is older doesn't mean he isn't a spry youthful ninja. The touch starved ninja was only half listening. His body felt tingly and his face felt hot. The ache came back tenfold almost knocking the wind out of him. His heart was pounding so hard he felt it in his ears. He knew he was having a panic attack but it wasn't until Gai came rushing to his side when he realized the cause - Gai. His stupid smile, his stupid hair cut, his stupid eyebrows and, his stupid inability to see Kakashi trying to push him away. He was persistent. Kakashi let himself be held while he worked through his panic attack not because Gai wouldn't leave him alone unless he was calm, but, because Kakashi was tired of running from the one emotion he spent so long repressing. No way was he going to tell Gai that though.

After the Birthday Incident, Kakashi found himself letting Gai in more. Gai already knew about his tragic backstory so there was no need to discuss it. When they would meet up some where or after their competitions, Gai liked talking about his feelings. Most of the time Kakashi would just listen and only engage when asked a question. He felt bad for not contributing but his self destructive side was praying that his rival would get fed up and just let him live alone in the middle of nowhere with his ninken. No dice though. This conversation was about Gai's new genin team. According to him they are all so cute he has to choke down tears before he sees them on the training field, he says as he's crying to Kakashi. He tells Kakashi that his team is his pride and joy. He can't wait for his Beloved Rival to have a team of his own. At that Kakashi snorts. He has already failed 2 teams for their lack of respect and inability to think for themselves. He knows for a fact this next team is no better. This afternoon he was positive he was going to fail another team. He bets Obito's Sharingan on it. Gai just laughs and wishes him good luck on his new team. Despite Kakashi's best efforts he passes this team. They showed the teamwork that his team could not and so they deserved it.

He was so distracted thinking about how he finally had a team he could teach, he didn't realize he was walking to Gai's apartment until he was standing at the door fist ready to knock. It shook him out of his trance. Why was he walking to Gai's? Why did he feel the need to tell Gai that he finally has a team? It was too late to turn back, Gai had already felt his chakra and opened the door. Kakashi stood there looking like a fool with his fist raised. Gai looked at him questionably. Kakashi took a deep breath, deciding to tell his rival that he has a team now. The second hug he had ever received was there on Gai's doorstep.


	2. Heartbreak and Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi has had his fair share of heartbreak. He has heard the soul wrenching sobs during funerals and during the war. He wanted to avoid it if at all possible. It wasn't until Kakashi witnessed this years the Chunin exams that he realized he couldn’t run from the sadness of others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a tough one for me bc when I wrote this I guess I was so upset that Kakashi and Gai didn't have more caring interactions while Lee was hurt that I really went into their friendship. Like the pissing match between how they handle their students made me mad because to me it was kind of condescending instead of funny or whatever. So I fixed it.

Kakashi has had his fair share of heartbreak. He has heard the soul wrenching sobs during funerals and during the war. He wanted to avoid it if at all possible. It wasn't until Kakashi witnessed this years Chunin exams that he realized he couldn’t run from the sadness of others. The fight between Lee and Gaara was brutal even for Kakashi and he kept looking over at Gai to try to try and read his reaction but for the first time he couldn't. When Lee dropped his weights he seen a smile and a cheer was let out. It really looked like Lee had this in the bag. Until Gaara used his sand to crush Lee's leg and arm. The gut dropping scream from Lee and the snapping of bones echoed through the arena but Kakashi heard something worse: Gai’s heart breaking. He tried to cover it but Kakashi heard it. Gai went to help stop his student from being killed and when he had seen that Lee was unconsciously trying to fight back Gai let the broken sobs come out. He couldn’t help it. His student was trying so hard to prove himself and it hurt. Gai followed the medics as they took his Most Precious Student out of the arena and to the hospital.

The last match started as soon as Gai cleared the exit. While the medics were leaving the echo of Gai’s cries ran rampant in Kakashi’s brain. He was used to the happy youthful sobs but not this. Kakashi found himself actually worried for his rival the last time he heard him cry like this was when his father died. Knowing that Gai was going to eternalize his “failure as a teacher” just like he eternalized his “lack of experience in killing swordsman” for his father's death, he decided to check on his rival. Kakashi told his students he was going to check on Sasuke and he disappeared. Kakashi was walking before his brain caught up. He had passed Sasuke's room and went right into Lee's. Gai was hunched over in a chair by Lee's bedside, his back facing the door, shoulders shaking. There were tubes and lines running from Lee's body to various machines all loud and annoying. Kakashi thought hard on how to comfort his friend - he had to take a minute to settle the shock over the fact that he just referred to Gai as his friend freely without provocation from the green beast. After standing awkwardly for a few minutes he made up his mind and put a hand on Gai's shoulder. He felt Gai tense and then relax. His sobbing wasn't as body shaking. Kakashi felt like he needed to say something but Gai spoke before any words can leave his mouth.  
"They said he won't be able to walk without pain or use his arm. His ninja days are over, his dreams are destroyed, and it's all my fault." Kakashi took his hand off of Gai and moved in front of him.  
"There's no way you could've known that Gaara would be here let alone be his opponent. It's no one's fault." Gai looked up at Kakashi. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy.  
"Yes Rival, but I decided this year to put him in the chunin exams so by proxy it is my fault." Gai started sobbing again. Kakashi wasn’t ready to handle his own pain let alone someone he thought of as a friend. He’s never really had to, he wasn’t the one people go to for comfort. Usually it was Gai trying to coax Kakashi out from under his desk after a panic attack. All Kakashi wanted to do was stop Gai from crying. The need to make Gai feel better overpowered his need to get out of this uncomfortable situation. So he did what Gai does to make Kakashi feel better. He gave his friend a hug. It was an awkward half sitting hug that trapped Gai's arms much like the first hug he received. Kakashi started rubbing Gai's back as Gai pushed closer almost trying to crawl inside the jonin’s chest, trying to escape the pain he has caused his student. They stayed like this for a few minutes before Kakashi felt Gai lift his head and move his arm to wipe his face. Kakashi retreated from the hug and took a step back.  
"I know that this is hard and things seem bleak but Lee is tough, he's not going to let this get him down. He's going to work himself until he can move and fight alongside his team. Just like the man he looks up to like a father." Kakashi had no idea where that came from, he must be growing soft for Gai's team too. Gai looks up at his Eternal Rival and smiles.  
"Thank you for your beautiful words and comfort," he sniffles and then looks at Kakashi's chest with a frown, "Um Rival, it seems that I had gotten some tears on your jacket." Kakashi looks down and sure enough it looked like someone was crying on his jacket.  
"I'm sorry, maybe we can trade jackets or..." Kakashi stopped listening, he was too busy looking at his jacket. A feeling popped up, an emotion that Kakashi tried so hard to swallow down, reared its ugly head and something snapped. He loves Gai. Not just a "he's my buddy I love him" or "or he's my rival and I love him for it", no this was a "fuck I'm fucked I love his stupid smile and his tear marks on my jacket fuckfuckfuckfuck I love him so much oh no" kind of love. An "I would die to make sure I never hear him cry of sadness and defeat ever again because that's not the kind of guy, Gai is" love. Kakashi kept thinking over and over trying to figure out how the hell did he let someone into his heart while Gai was stuttering away trying to clean Kakashi's jacket up. Gai knew in his heart that Lee was going to make it. He was alive and breathing and he has a teacher that will never give up on him. He overheard a doctor talk about some lady who could heal his Most Precious Student but he didn't catch the name. He knew he had Kakashi and Lee had all his endearing and youthful friends. Seeing Lee in pain was the worst but crying over his student wasn't going to solve anything. Kakashi was right. Lee is strong. He had to be strong for Lee too. At that point both jonin had stopped thinking and looked at each other.  
"This is a lost cause my Dear Rival." Gai sighed in defeat. Kakashi just looked at the stains.  
"Maa...it's just water it'll dry. No big deal." Gai moved his hands to his sides. Kakashi used this opportunity for the chance for a real hug because Gai looked so defeated and Kakashi knew a hug would make him happy. Gai was thrown off but he gladly accepted it.  
"It seems I have turned you on to the true power of hugs", Gai chuckled into a silver mess of hair.   
"And you are ruining it by talking Gai." He squeezed his rival and shoved his face further in the crook of Gai's neck. A few minutes later they heard a few students walking down the hall no doubt trying to see if their friends are okay signaling Kakashi’s time to leave. He gives a smile to Gai.  
“It’ll be okay. I promise.” Now he really had to check on Sasuke. Gai smiles back and he sits back down. “I know, my Dear Rival, Lee is a strong ninja with big dreams. This isn’t the end.” Kakashi squeezes Gai’s shoulder and leaves the room.

A few months later Lee recovers enough to walk with a crutch and Tsunade helps him get back on track to achieving his dreams. Gai busts into Kakashi's apartment through the window - because apparently no one in the whole village knows how to use a door - nearly barreling into Kakashi as he was eating (yet again), to tell his rival that Lee is well again. Part of Kakashi was actually worried Lee wasn't going to be able to recover but now he can sleep a little better knowing that Gai and Lee have made it through this rough patch. Kakashi smiles at his rival while congratulating him and his student on their hard work towards recovery. Gai smiles back and goes to hug Kakashi. He let it happen because he loves Gai's hugs. He definitely wasn't going to tell Gai that. Not yet anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally settled on chapter amounts and I got the ending fixed so now chapters should be posted faster. Depending on how lost I get on the path of life.


	3. Like a Bandaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi realizes he has let too many people in and decides to do some spring cleaning.

It took five whole minutes for Kakashi to use his ANBU techniques to just calm down. He was so pissed off that Tsunade had sent Shikamaru and a group of genin to get his wayward student, instead of pulling him off the bullshit mission to help clean the village. He had chased after Naruto to find him knocked out and carried his student back. He felt the disappointment seep from Naruto's body into his back and it hurt. He relayed the information about finding his student and Tsunade told him about the damage the team had sustained at the hands of the Sound Ninja Five. He tried to rein in his killing intent and by the time he left the Hokage tower he was on the fast path to a crippling panic attack. He had barely made it home before he slammed the door and slid down the wall to cry.

Once he had calmed down he decided the best course of action, so he won't feel this way again, was to just start cutting people off. He let too many people get into his life and under his skin. His students are just that, students, not his kids or friends. He made too many friends with the jonin so he had to keep it professional. Cutting off Gai, no problem. Kakashi knew that if he himself cut off their relationship then it would save him the pain of getting his heart carved out and stuck on a pike for all to see. Resolved to this new found loneliness he settled for taking the longest nap of his life.

When he woke up, he changed all the wards in his house to kill anyone that didn't have his chakra signature. He boarded that troublesome window in his kitchen and he found the quickest way to the Hokage tower with limited Gai Visibility. Finally he settled back to his normal routine - wake up, maybe eat, shower, go to accept a mission from Tsunade, do the mission, turn the report in, go home, sleep and repeat. He didn't talk to anyone unless he had to and he refused to make small talk with Tsunade, he was still pissed off.

Which is probably why he didn't find out about Naruto leaving until a month after he left. She also told him that Sakura was going to train with her. He nodded, turned in his scroll and left. He made it halfway home before he had to run into an alleyway and puke.

Everyone was leaving him. No one was checking up on him. Gai had to have seen him somewhere. Kakashi had to remind himself mid panic not to go to Gai's house, and that he had cut him off. What else was Gai to think. What was anyone to think, he was successful in his plan and that was that. When he finally made it to his apartment he did what he normally does when shit hits the fan, curl up into a ball on the floor and cry. He somehow managed enough sense to summon Pakkun just in case something happened in the middle of the night. He doesn't remember how Pakkun left the apartment or how he got on his bed but whatever happened he was grateful. His back can only handle so much.

___

Pakkun appeared in a puff of smoke next to a shaking ball of human and he knew immediately that the human in question was his human and that he was having a Class 4 breakdown. When Kakashi was a pup he had panic attacks often especially after his father's death. He would summon the dogs and they would comfort him but they could only do so much, they were trained ninja dogs not emotional support animals. Pakkun and Kakashi worked on a scale just for communication purposes. If it was a Class 3 then Pakkun could handle it but a Class 4 was the highest and the last time he had a panic attack this bad Pakkun had to get help. Pakkun sniffed around to try and sense the situation, Kakashi wasn't going to tell him anything. He could feel the anger and distress in the pups chakra and he snorted. He is going to need help and soon. Pakkun drags a blanket over his pup so he was covered and warm while he booked it out of the apartment and to the one person he knows can help. Even if his stubborn pup won't admit it.

___

Gai had just gotten back from a month long mission to reclaim materials destroyed by Orochimaru’s attack. It was 10 pm when he had gotten to the gates only to be briefly filled in by Kotetsu about Team 7. Gai asked about his rival but Kotetsu told him that no one has seen Kakashi. Gai runs to the hokage tower to turn in his mission scroll. He asked Tsunade about Kakashi and she told him that he still goes on missions, and answers summons but she hardly gets a chance to talk to him before he disappears.

"I've noticed he stands a different way, his words are sharp but rehearsed. His injuries are due to recklessness and his killing intent is so thick and suffocating. Sakura says he stopped all contact with her as if she had left the village too and if you hadn't come in today I would've made a welfare check." Gai noticed she had the alcohol bottle out on her desk. It was empty. "It's my fault, I should've just let him go after Sasuke. I thought Shikamaru and his team could handle it, and now I've got the brunt of his and all the kid's parents anger aimed at me. I need Kakashi to snap out of this and get back in line." With that she stumbled up and showed Gai the door. If Tsunade is this upset - this sounds just like ANBU Kakashi all over again. Gai had fought so hard to get Kakashi to assimilate into society after ANBU and now this. Gai rushed to Kakashi's apartment, banging on the door hoping Kakashi would wake up and answer. He heard mumbling and something about leaving him alone but Gai needed proof Kakashi was okay. He made his way to the only window in the apartment only to see it boarded up. He stood back in shock. Kakashi was trying to block Gai from coming in. He almost blasted a fist through the window and through the wood to get to his Rival when he heard a familiar bark from the roof.

"I can let you in the front but you have to hide your chakra real well, the wards he made are deadly." Gai looked up at Pakkun with a sigh of relief. He makes his way into the apartment not expecting the sight. His Rival has always been so clean but this was awful. Clothes scattered by the entryway, some with more blood on it then he'd like to see. The smell from the kitchen was close to the smell of rotting food and sure enough there were stacks of dishes and half eaten food over the counter. The living room was a mess a table flipped over almost as if Kakashi forgot the lay out of his apartment and his room was a disaster zone. Gai almost didn't see the ball of Kakashi on the floor until Pakkun warned him.  
Gai looked down at his Rival who had stopped shivering, and almost cried. He was too pale and too small. Why didn't Tsunade see this and help him? He needed to berate Tsunade again about the lack of mental health resources and awareness for shinobi. Gai didn't want to disturb his Rivals sleep, from the look of the bags under his eyes, he barely got any. As quiet as he could Gai stepped around his friend and started cleaning up. First was his Rival’s bedroom. Clean sheets on the bed and the floor bare again, he picked up Kakashi, who was surprisingly light, and put him into his bed, then he got to work on the rest of the apartment. Once or twice he thought he heard Kakashi stir but he remained in bed.

___

Kakashi wakes up at noon to a wet nose pressed into his neck. Pakkun. He looks over at the clock and moans. His back is killing him and he has no idea how he got into bed. Maybe Pakkun dragged him in it. He rolls over to look at his dog and then yawns. Suddenly something hit Kakashi's senses. He smelled food, good food. How in the hell? Kakashi gets up and makes his way to the kitchen noticing that it was clean and everything looked normal. Strange he knew the place was a mess but had no energy to clean. He steps into the kitchen and furrowed his brows when he sees a full grown man in a green jumpsuit making eggs.  
"Gai what are you doing here? How did you get in?" Kakashi had made sure the wards worked. Gai just turns around and throws his trademark smile at him. "Pakkun let me in." Almost as if he was listening Pakkun meanders into the kitchen with a huff, "Traitor." He looks up at Kakashi then at Gai, nods and disappears leaving the two jonin to battle it out.  
"I cleaned up and made you breakfast, it's much easier to clear your head after some food and rest." Gai set the table while Kakashi just stood there useless.  
"I'm not hungry and thanks for everything, I got it from here." Kakashi knew that wouldn't make Gai leave but he said it anyway. Part of him was pissed off that Gai didn't try to come to him earlier but then how could he when he cut him off. He knew it was selfish of him to think Gai would come whenever he was in emotional turmoil. Gai has his own team and worries and he hated to think that he was taking up Gai's time.  
While Gai ignored him and continued making the food Kakashi got a better look at his jumpsuit. It was muddy and torn, no way that was from cleaning. The realization hit him, Gai has been away on a mission. That's why he hadn't seen him. Kakashi felt stupid for his anger and the feeling was immediately replaced with hurt. The eventuality that something could happen to Gai on a mission and Kakashi wouldn't see him again. He could die or leave. Kakashi knew he was spiraling, he had to stop this now while he still can. He has to break this friendship off. He had to make sure it would be permanent. He had to sit down. He didn't notice that he was hyperventilating until he felt Gai's strong arms around him. He moved Kakashi to a seat and told Kakashi to breathe with him. Gai was rubbing his back in small circles to comfort while holding Kakashi to his chest so he wouldn't fall off the seat. Once Kakashi started breathing normal Gai moved to get the food and tried to make his friend eat. 

Whether Kakashi liked it or not he wasn't going to leave his friend’s side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for all the angst. I had to just write this so we can move on to the repair part of Gai and Kakashi's relationship. I hate leaving things on a cliffhanger but I couldn't keep the ending I originally had for this chapter bc it made me too sad.


	4. Happy Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi tells Gai something and Gai is speechless.

Kakashi was still quiet and numb throughout dinner. When they finished eating Gai grabbed his rival and walked him to the bathroom. He thought maybe a hot bath would soothe Kakashi's nerves. He ran the hot water and looked back at Kakashi, who was standing by the door frame shaking slightly. Gai turned off the water and went to undress him. He got Kakashi into the tub and he turned to go fix his bed, when an arm shot out and grabbed his hand. "Don't go. please." Kakashi looked at him with big eyes. Gai smiled and put his hand on top of Kakashi's. He moved over to sit on the toilet seat while watching Kakashi finally relax in the water.

For as long as he can remember Kakashi has not once asked him for help. Gai always thought it was a pride thing, so whenever his rival looked like he had been hit by the world's most powerful jutsu he'd help his friend out as best as he can. Some days Gai looks at Kakashi and cries because he doesn't know what to do to help. He usually tries hugging him or engaging him in conversation about things Kakashi likes. Dogs are an easy subject or ninja tools, maybe a mission Kakashi had gone on that had a positive turn out. Now he knows that Kakashi just doesn't want to seem weak and that's why he's never asked for help. He never knows when his friend is going to snap and he is terrified of losing him. Gai's face scrunched up, tears falling softly. He hated this, but he knew Kakashi hated this just as much, the feeling of being vulnerable and broken. Movement in the bathtub pulled Gai out of his thoughts and by the looks of it Kakashi had fallen asleep. He sighs with relief and drains the water. Standing his friend up, he dries him off as best as he can and then puts a pair of boxers on him. Then he carried him to his bed. Gai tucked his rival in and then he laid down on top of the blankets facing Kakashi. The soothing sound of Kakashi's soft and finally calm breathing lulled Gai to sleep.

When he woke up the following afternoon, Kakashi was gone along with his mission gear. Tsunade must've called him for a mission. He got up and began to leave Kakashi's apartment when a note resting on the table by the door caught his eye.  
"Thank you" was all it said and that's all Gai needed to know that Kakashi was going to be okay.

In the following weeks Gai catches Kakashi in various places and challenges him in tag or hide and seek. He notices Kakashi's a little happier and more willing to agree to Gai's ridiculous challenges.

One particular race ended with Kakashi in a lake and Gai swore he heard giggling coming from his rival. Gai grabs Kakashi's hand to help him out of the lake, which was a mistake on his part, before he knew it Gai was in the water too. That's when Gai heard it, without a doubt, the most beautiful laugh he had ever heard, only because Kakashi rarely laughs this hard and loud near anyone. It sounded like heaven. Gai just looked at his rival's shaking body. Kakashi had lowered his mask so he wouldn't drown and his smile was so bright. It made Gai's chest hurt in a way that he had only felt one other time. When Kakashi had told him that Gai's father was his hero. Kakashi stopped laughing and he grabbed Gai's arm to drag them both out of the water. Once out Kakashi shakes his head like a dog to get the water out while Gai wrings out the top half of his jumpsuit. They start to make their way to Kakashi's apartment to clean up chatting about little things, Gai still not able to truly focus since the laugh he heard, but he tries to engage like usual, laughing at a story Kakashi was telling him about Bull.

It must've been quite a sight, the village's top two jonin strolling down a busy street, soaking wet and laughing. Asuma almost broke his neck turning to look at the source of laughter. Genma lost his senbon when it fell out of his mouth and rolled under a street cart, while gasping at what looked like a happy Kakashi. This all wasn't lost on the silver haired jonin, he was more observant than people let on. It's been a while since he's been this carefree out in public but thanks to Gai he's been able to relax some. Naruto and Sakura are probably better off with the Sannin. He was still worried about all the hatred Sasuke harbored towards his brother and he knows Orochimaru is just breeding that hatred while doing other terrible things to him. If there was any hope of getting his student back he'd have to improve his mind and body to match his other two students. He made up his mind right after his last panic attack. Gai was right, he can't let this get him down. Gai has always been right and he's always been there for him and Kakashi was willing to try life the Might Gai Way. Without the green jumpsuit and bowl cut, that's just for Gai.

They arrived at Kakashi's apartment and while Gai was taking off his wet leg warmers, Kakashi made his way to his room and grabbed a spare jumpsuit he has saved for times like this. He offered his shower and the jumpsuit to Gai and then he went into the kitchen to make some food. Dinner was almost ready when Gai got out of his shower. Kakashi switched places with Gai and took a quick shower, just to warm his bones. When he gets out Gai has already set the table and finished up dinner. They sit down and eat in a safe silence. It's still quiet when they finish and wash the dishes. 

Gai knows that sometimes Kakashi prefers silence however, there was something he needed to get off his chest. As soon as he opened his mouth, Kakashi beat him to it.

"Look Gai I just want to thank you for everything. It's been hard for me to even try and open up to people but it’s so easy for me to do it with you. You have this strange ability to see me for who I am and not what I've done and I don't know how to ever pay you back for all of this. You always manage to be there when I'm feeling my lowest and you take the time to show me that you care. I can't see what you see in me, but I appreciate it." 

Kakashi was looking down at his feet so he didn't see the massive stream of tears falling from Gai's face. He didn't know what to say, well he did but he didn't know how to say it. He's been friends with Kakashi since they were 5. He has been there when Kakashi was a little shit, when he was going through the worst but Kakashi is forgetting all of the things he has done for Gai. When Gai's father died Kakashi was there at his side and refused to leave until Gai was able to smile again. He gave Gai hope and someone to fight for, a drive to be the best ninja he can be.

Kakashi looked up at Gai his eyes red with tears threatening to escape. Gai decided actions were better than words at this point so he reached over and grabbed his rival by his face and kissed him. Not the soft kiss he was planning on, because the moment he placed his lips on Kakashi's soft pink ones he lost all the control he had. Kakashi had made a small noise but he didn't pull away, instead he planted his hands on Gai's hips and deepened the kiss. It took Gai's breath away, his heart was pounding, his stomach was fluttering, and he wanted nothing more than to stay in this spot with the man he loved, forever.

Kakashi broke the kiss to catch his breath and then he put his forehead against Gai's, a massive smile plastered on both of their faces. He was finally content on where his life was at this moment, the world can fall apart around him and he still wouldn't move from this spot. One day he will be able to tell Gai the words he has forbidden himself to say. For now he will let Gai know how feels by planting another breathless kiss on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing Gai's more serious side esp when it comes to seeing how Kakashi has grown over the years. Anyway, this fic is halfway done ! Thanks for sticking around, as always Kudos and comments are welcome !


	5. Terms and Conditions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gai makes a deal with Kakashi.

It was hit after hit after hit, no one was safe from the Akatsuki. First the mission to save Kankuro and Gaara had left Gaara dead, (then alive thanks to the old lady Chiyo) and Kakashi completely drained. He hated himself the entire ride home - Gai insisted on giving him a piggyback ride back to the village - and he actually wanted to die when he found out he couldn't go with Team 7 to get Sasuke. He was okay with the idea of his friend Yamato taking over the team, it made sense, he had the Wood Style jutsu that could restrain Naruto if need be, but he hated the fact that he couldn't see his old student. He didn't want Sasuke to think he had forgotten about him, Kakashi physically couldn't move without feeling intense pain shoot up his spine and behind his - Obito's - eye.

The entire time the team was gone he felt sick. The longer he was left to his thoughts the worse he felt. The first day Gai showed up with some books from Kakashi's apartment but he didn't want to read. He would get to one line and read the same line over and over for hours. Gai must've noticed it because the next day he took over reading Icha Icha. While it was embarrassing for Gai to read it out loud, Kakashi was just grateful to hear someone else's voice in his head for once. When Tsunade told Gai it was time to leave for the night Kakashi heard him whisper something to her and she left them alone. Gai got into Kakashi's hospital bed and slept with him that night, and every night he could after. The familiar smell of Gai and the sound of his heartbeat helped Kakashi fall into the first peaceful sleep he had experienced since the night Kakashi had his panic attack.

He finally got the OK to leave the hospital but only because Naruto was in the bed next to his and he was driving Tsunade up the wall. He still felt wobbly but Naruto wanted to train so he can be equal to Sasuke and Kakashi couldn't say no. According to Sakura, Sasuke had gotten way stronger than anyone would've thought. He had killed Orochimaru which put a little smile on his face. He knew Sasuke wouldn't fall for that snake but if what she was saying was true, Naruto was far behind his old teammate.

Then Asuma died. That ripped a very large hole in Kakashi's heart. He was loved by all and it was devastating to hear that an Akatsuki team took him down. All of the jonin had met up at Asuma’s favorite bar to console each other and to share stories of mischief and heroism. Kurenai came for a few minutes but left after Genma told everyone about his team returning. Shikamaru looked angry and numb while Ino and Choji couldn’t stop crying. The tokubetsu jonin that helped Team Asuma had to rely the information to Tsunade, getting a single word out of InoShikaCho was futile. Kakashi took a few shots and left the bar. He was worried about Kurenai and the kids, he remembered all of the death that surrounded him. On his way home the Copy Nin decided that he was going to visit Kurenai before the funeral, to offer some comfort. 

He didn't know what to do when he got there and when he arrived she didn't say anything, she only cried. He held her for what felt like hours before she confided in him that she was pregnant and she was worried about his students. He held her tighter and told her that if she needed anything his door was always open. She offered a sad smile and nodded before Kakashi left her home to get ready. 

The funeral itself was wet and gloomy. Everyone was either crying or looked like they were going to cry. Shikamaru was noticeably missing and Ino was crying so hard he thought she was going to pass out. Kakashi put a hand on her shoulder, resisting the urge to pull her close like he did with Kurenai. It's strange that his first thought to help someone who was sad, was to hug them. Gai must be rubbing off on him. The blonde put her hand on top of his and calmed down a little. He can hear Konohamaru crying and Iruka whispering to him. The knot in Kakashi's throat continued to grow until he felt like he was going to cry. He missed Asuma.

That night while sitting on the roof of his apartment complex, Kakashi felt Shikamaru's erratic chakra making its way to the front gates. He followed Shikamaru knowing exactly what the kid was planning on. He knew that the young Nara was going to lash out, he also knew the kid was smart so this won't be some random emotion driven revenge thing. The kid turned cold and calculating after his mentor's death. Kakashi seen the same look in his own eye when Minato had died. Kakashi volunteered to take the helm when Tsunade threatened to lock InoShikaCho up if they left.

"They are going to do it with or without me and I'd prefer the former."

The fight was brutal. So far Kakashi had battled Itachi, Deidara, Sasori, and now Hidan and Kakuzu - the Zombie Combo. He hated this damn group. Shikamaru was a genius though, he killed Hidan by himself and Kakashi had killed one of Kakuzu's hearts. He was thankful Tsunade sent in Team 7 as reinforcements. Naruto had unleashed his Rasenshuriken and that was it, Kakuzu's remaining hearts were obliterated. Naruto sustained some damage to his arm and Kakashi for once wasn't near death from chakra exhaustion. Revenge was completed, however, the light never returned to Shikamaru's eyes.

===============================================================

Gai knew how Kakashi felt. He saw the flash of hate and anger in his friend's eye. He had also seen how he stared blankly at the pages of his book or how he looked so exhausted that the Copy Nin was in danger of keeling over at any second. Gai also knew that his friend was in a very dark place, missing his student and trying to force himself to recover. He tried everything he could to make sure his friend didn't succumb to his thoughts, even if it meant reading that smut out loud.

Watching Kakashi comfort Kurenai was nice, he held her for a long time while she cried and he had noticed a small tear make its way down the Copy Nin's face, but he didn't say anything. He also seen him try and reach out to Ino at the funeral and at that point Gai no longer feared for his friend, that was until he had heard the news that Kakashi joined Team Asuma to enact revenge.

When Kakashi returned he looked like he had survived the worst fight of his life. Gai walked up to his friend and pulled him into a soft "I'm happy you are alive and safe" hug and Kakashi returned it, right in front of his team. Gai was elated.

Gai continued to give Kakashi some space but watched his friend from a safe distance, until he got caught by the Copy Nin.

"Are you just going to keep stalking me or are you going to come down here and talk." Kakashi opened his window and called up to his stalker hoping to either make him go away or to have some company. Either way he didn't care.

"Ah Rival you spotted me, if you don't mind, I'd like to talk to you."

Kakashi grunted and let him in. Gai wasn't wearing his normal jumpsuit, instead he was wearing a green t-shirt and shorts. It was getting hot in Konoha but seeing Gai in normal clothes made Kakashi feel hotter. Blushing, he walked into the kitchen expecting Gai to follow him. They sit down at the table and Kakashi offers Gai some of his take out. Gai immediately took all the tempura.

"How are you feeling Rival?"

"Fine, why are you stalking me?" Gai choked on his food, Kakashi was always so blunt.

"I'm not stalking you, I'm just checking in on you. I'm sorry if it is bothering you, I just wanted to make sure you are okay."

Kakashi put his chopsticks down and rubbed the back of his neck. His mask was still in place but Gai could see a hint of color peak from the lip, right by his nose. "Uh no it's fine I'd just prefer you talk or walk with me instead of hiding. I like your company."

Kakashi watched as Gai puffed out his chest, probably with pride, he's the only person that the Copy Nin would voluntarily spend time with, and Gai wasn't oblivious to that fact either. He wore it like a badge of honor. Kakashi let out a small laugh. A few minutes of silence followed until Gai spoke up again.

"Kakashi I have a question to ask of you." Gai's deep voice took Kakashi out of his thoughts.

"What's up?" Kakashi was praying to all the gods that he wouldn't bring up the possibility of a relationship, he has no time or brain power to try and make it work, especially with the threat of war hanging over their heads. Kakashi liked where they were at now, whatever they were. He had loved the kiss they shared but that was the only kiss they had. Once the Akatsuki came into play, all the jonin had back to back missions. No time to think, let alone be in a relationship.

"Can you tell me things that are troubling you? I hate to see you work yourself up to the point of a panic attack if I can help you." Kakashi wasn't expecting that, nor the look of pure seriousness that laid itself across Gai's face. The Copy Nin thought about what Gai had said. Inoichi practically begged Kakashi to visit him so he can get some form of therapy, his yearly mental health checks gave Inoichi a glimpse into his horrid brain. He kept turning the Yamanaka down, he didn't want to seem unstable - although he was exactly that - he needed missions and Inoichi would make sure Tsunade would sideline him. He also didn't trust Inoichi.

"Rival?" Gai was looking at him with worry, like he had hurt Kakashi. The Copy Nin smiles and thinks that maybe Gai can be trusted. He had to set some ground rules though.

"Okay Gai but there's a few conditions." Gai smiles softly. "If at anytime you can't talk to me, just tell me. Your mental health is important too and some things I think about are dark. Stuff that would never be okay if said in front of TI. Also what is said is between us and us only." He knew he didn't have to say it but he wanted to make sure it was heard. Gai nodded in agreement.

"I have one condition too," Gai looked at Kakashi in his visible eye making sure he got his Rival's attention, "After our talks I get to take you out for dinner." Gai knew it was a long shot but when Lee or Neji have a heart to heart with him Gai likes to use food to change the mood. A happy memory in place of a sour one.

Kakashi twirled his chopsticks and then spoke, "Okay. Deal, but we take turns paying."

Gai laughs and gets up to hug Kakashi. Maybe he just needs someone to talk to and Gai was all ears. He didn't know how many times Kakashi was actually going to confide in him but even if it was just one time, he would be happy.

They finish eating and Kakashi asks Gai to stay the night, a request he enthusiastically accepted. They settle in Kakashi's bed and he heard Gai's light snoring, he turned over to face his friend. Once again Kakashi was content on life. Not even the nagging thought in the back of his head can tear him down tonight, the only thing that can rip them apart right now is death at this point.

And thanks to Pain it does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah i know im so sorry but i promise it'll end happy. The next chapter is probably going to be the longest because there's so much to cover so please hang in there !


	6. Three Little Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain attacks the village and Kakashi sees his dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It always pissed me off that Gai wasn't there for the attack. I don't know why Kishi did that and no Nart forum can give me a good answer. So I changed it. Kinda. Anyway pls enjoy this terribly sad chapter.

The last thing Kakashi remembered was activating his Kamui and saving Choji. The kid had vital information and he had to make it to Tsunade before Pain killed everyone. He knew it would end his life but, being a shinobi meant risking one's life for the village and the young shinobi generation. He came to terms with the idea of dying in battle a long time ago, however he wasn't expecting not seeing Gai before his death. The last conversation they had together was at the gates, wishing Tenten, Neji and Gai good luck on their mission. Gai had looked like he wanted a hug goodbye and Kakashi obliged after Neji and Tenten turned around, he didn't want more people to know he was soft for the green jumpsuit wearing man. He wanted to kiss his cheek but Kakashi refrained. Not a bad memory. Leaving the world, his last thought was how much he loved Gai and how he will see him again. Not soon he hopes, he wants to see Gai grow old.  
____________________________________________________________________ 

"Kakashi-sensei is dead! He died saving my life and my father's!" Choji barreled through to where Tsunade sat to relay the message Kakashi died for. Tsunade sat in shock. "The Pain's are connected and they use some form of magnetic attraction and repulsion. Each body has only one ability they are known for once we figure out what that is we can destroy each body one by one." Choji chokes out still crying over the loss of yet another teacher. Katsuyu confirms his death sending Tsunade into a fit of rage. She stood up and punched a wall to smithereens. She promised Sakumo she would make sure he lives a long life, and she failed. A tear falls down her face before she turns to summon Fukasaku. They needed Naruto.  
_______________________________________________________________________ 

Gai halted right in the middle of the road and whipped his head around. He had given Neji and Tenten no warning when he stopped, but he knew they felt it too. A dark chakra and the supersonic noise he had heard, had come from the direction of his beloved village. Neji used his Byakugan to see as far away as he could. The Leaf was surrounded by a dome of chakra blocking his view. Tenten suggested abandoning the mission in favor of returning to the village to help. Gai stood there for a few seconds contemplating, if they abandoned the mission and there really wasn't anything too bad going on then they will get the wrath of Lady Tsunade. However, if it was bad and they kept going - he couldn’t risk it.

"Let's head back. I'll take the fall for this." His two students nodded in agreement and they booked it back home. Gai was silently hoping Kakashi was okay, that his students were okay and that the village was just going through something minor. It didn't stop the voice in the back of his mind from telling him otherwise.  
___________________________________________________________________ 

The Copy Nin woke up in a shroud of darkness, there was no smell in air and the lack of sound only amplified his fears, he was in Limbo. He stood up looked around and then shoved his hands in his pockets. He began to walk around and explore the darkness. He had let his thoughts wander for a while, thinking about Gai and Naruto. Naruto can probably defeat Pain and save the village. Gai will probably cry over Kakashi and then over exert himself in training, preparing for the possibility of another war. He thought about Sakura, maybe she will achieve the recognition she deserves, and Sasuke, he hoped will turn away from the path of revenge and let the remaining members of Team 7 help him. 

The Copy Nin was so deep in thought he almost missed the faint light flickering in the distance. He stopped and observed it. A beacon of light was summoning him, he started walking towards it, to answer it's call.  
__________________________________________________________________ 

Team Gai made it to the gates in an hour. They had booked it at full speed, not a single word spoken between them, in fear of jinxing the situation. The sight laid out in front of them was pure carnage. The village was in shambles, ninja limping and some lying lifeless by the gates. Gai's breathing picked up, he had to find Tsunade. 

Neji and Tenten went to find Lee and the rest of their friends while helping those who needed it. Gai found Tsunade on top of the Hokage tower surrounded by tokubetsu ninja funneling chakra into Katsuyu. She didn't notice him standing there until he spoke up. 

"Lady Hokage? What happened here?" 

She looked up at him and she let out a small sigh. "The leader of the Akatsuki found us and launched a surprise attack. We have lost hundreds of shinobi and civilians." Gai took a deep breath and asked the question that has been playing in his mind since the team turned back. 

"Did we lose any of the kids?" 

"Not that I know of. We almost lost Choji if it wasn't for Kakashi." She paused and looked at Gai's feet. "He sacrificed himself to make sure Choji and Choza could relay important information to me about Pain."

Gai had stopped breathing. His world grew dark and cold. Kakashi was dead. No. he couldn't be. Maybe she got it wrong. The look in her eyes say otherwise. Reading his mind she told him where Kakashi's body could be found. He turned and ran as fast as he could to see if it was all true. He couldn't believe it. He refused to believe it until he had seen the evidence. There was no way Kakashi, his best friend, potential lover, and the man he loved the most was dead. Tears were already streaking down his face when he landed next to a wounded Choza and sobbing Choji. He didn't have to say a word, Choji pointed up to the man he's been trying to find. Gai takes a deep breath and follows Choji's finger.  
________________________________________________________________ 

Kakashi had made it to the source of the light. The fire was making faint crackling sounds, the first sound he had heard in this place. A man was sitting on a log staring at the fire, barely moving to acknowledge Kakashi's presence. He didn't need to, he knew who it was. "I wasn't expecting you here so soon." His father finally turned to face him. Kakashi's heart clenched at the sight. "Come sit, and tell me about your life since I left you." Kakashi sat down right next to his dad, trying to find a start to it all. A lot has happened to him. It's a good thing he has plenty of time.  
________________________________________________________________ 

Gai let out a heart breaking sob. Kakashi was trapped in a rock pile, head bowed, blood dripping from somewhere on his face. He raced up to dislodge him from the rubble, praying to all the gods Tsunade was wrong. Once he removed him, he delicately laid him out and rested his head over Kakashi's heart. Nothing. Not the familiar warm sound of Kakashi's slightly faster than normal heart beat. It was an empty sound. Another desperate sob broke free from Gai's throat. He curled up on the dead ninja's chest and cried. 

Sometime later Lee had shown up to try and comfort his sensei to no avail. Gai was inconsolable. He lost his best friend before he could tell him how much he meant to him. How much he loved him. Gai moved Kakashi onto his lap cradling his dead friend, wishing he had never left the village, or had gotten here sooner. 

A loud explosion erupted from the edge of the village signalling Naruto's arrival. Gai finally looked up to see the rest of the carnage Pain caused. People silently mourning the loss of loved ones, people like Iruka were pointing out to where the injured can go to get medical attention. All of the Pain puppets were distracted. Gai looked back down at his friend's body and let out one more sob. Kakashi died protecting this village and Gai had to push aside his feelings for a while and help. He placed his body near Choji to watch and he walked over to Iruka to see what he can do.  
________________________________________________________________ 

Sakumo had been quiet the whole time, letting his son take over the conversation. He had told his father about his self destructive tendencies, about his students, all the death that passed his path. When he finished his life's story, ending it on his death, he looked over at his father expecting him to say something.

“Sounds like you lived quite a life.” Sakumo was still looking into the fire. His eyes warmer and his lips pulled into a small smile.

"I definitely rushed it but I realize now what you had gone through and I forgive you Dad. I love you and I’m proud to be your son." He didn’t regret a thing about how he lived his life. He learned what it meant to be a true shinobi and the hardships that came his way. 

That was a lie, he did regret one thing. He never got to tell Gai that he loved him. Gai had to know by now but, saying the words were different. 

"Thank you." Sakumo beamed at his son. He finally earned his forgiveness and that’s all he can ever ask from Kakashi. They were quietly watching the fire wax and wane, until Sakumo spoke up again. "How about that kid that called you his rival all the time? Did you ever tell him off or did you accept him into your life?" Sakumo turned to face his son, trying to read his masked face. 

Kakashi had deliberately left out the antics he and Gai had gotten into. Mostly because it hurt to talk about his friend. 

"He's fine, Gai and I became close friends." He wished he can say boyfriends but his fear of intimacy and losing another loved one made him shy away. He looked into the fire in front of him. 

"Hmm I always thought you both would be great friends." Kakashi and Sakumo shared a small laugh. 

"You guys didn't get into too much trouble right?" Sakumo got really serious. Kakashi smiled fondly at his father. 

"We tried not to make a scene but some of the challenges we did were more public and ridiculous." It was never about the actual challenges. It was about spending time together. He had realized a long time ago that Gai used the challenges as a way to distract, whether it was for him or for Gai himself. They had a little fun and then they would eat together or spend the night at each other's apartments. He remembered the sound of Gai's heart beat, when he first asked him to stay over, when he agreed to a challenge without an angry sigh, when they had shared their first kiss. He didn't notice the tears that were forming in his eyes until they were already spilling over. He missed Gai. Sakumo saw Kakashi wiping his eyes with his sleeve oit of the corner of his eye. Before he could ask his son what was wrong, Kakashi spoke up. 

"I miss him dad. I miss everything about him. I loved him." Kakashi broke down. He thought he'd be okay but the more he thought about his friend, the more his heart hurt. He leaned into his father who held him while he sobbed.  
________________________________________________________________ 

When Naruto left the village to chase down the last Pain, and the dust began to settle, Iruka had let Gai go back to Kakashi's body. Katsuyu was healing left and right, Sakura was taking care of those the slug summons couldn't heal completely. Gai had gotten Choza to a safe place. Ninja all around the Leaf were mourning, fixing, or healing. Usually Gai can pick himself back up and help those around him but he didn't have the heart. Tsunade wanted all the bodies in one spot so she can see who had died. Gai got on his knees next to Kakashi and let one more cry out. The tears where dripping on the Copy Nin's face.

"You died honorably Rival. I will make sure your name will carry on and every one will know of your heroism." Gai choked out between sobs. He can't be mad at his friend. He protected the village when he himself could not. He tried smiling down at his friend, remembering all of the good memories they had shared. Kakashi looked peaceful, maybe he is with his friends and family. Gai might miss him dearly but he was in no rush to meet him in the afterlife. He needed to tell him stories of the future. He lifted Kakashi up one more time and cradled him. One last goodbye, he kissed the ninja over his mask. 

"I love you."  
________________________________________________________________ 

A bright light emerged, surrounding Kakashi, causing him to jerk away from his father's embrace. It was a warm light and as he looked down at his hands he noticed himself fading. "Looks like your story isn't over yet." Sakumo smiled up at his son. Kakashi had forgiven him so there was no need for Sakumo to stay here by the fire. As Kakashi was fading more, he knew that the next time he'd see his son, he would be in the afterlife, not in limbo. "I love you" was the last words Kakashi had heard from his father before he dissipated completely.  
________________________________________________________________ 

“Naruto did it! He saved the village!” Iruka can be heard from the edge of the forest. The younger ninja was on the teacher’s back, he looked tired but happy. In the sky, bright lights were dancing then disappearing into the bodies of the dead. People were coming back to life. No one knew what Naruto did but they were grateful.  
________________________________________________________________ 

The next time Kakashi opened his eyes, he could see Gai's shocked and tear stained face. He could hear the birds singing, people cheering and most importantly he had heard Gai, _"I love you"._

Kakashi smiles,"I love you too, Gai."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry. This chapter was the one I was dreading bc I knew it was going to be emotional. Between Gai crying and Sakumo I was a mess writing this too. Only 2 more chapters to go !


	7. War Time Wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi comes to a sudden realization possibly too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this chapter to be a wrap up without a complete summary of the War. Some angst more fluff.

At the worst time in his life, Kakashi remembered a conversation he had with his father when he was still in the Academy. He had wandered home upset over his day in class, when his father asked him what was the matter Kakashi told him. 

_“They talked about the possibility of dying on a mission. Two girls cried in class.” _Kakashi remembered the look of quiet contemplation on his father's face. Then Sakumo got down to his eye level and spoke.

_"Now Kakashi you need to understand something about the shinobi world, it's a lesson my father told me and I didn't listen. In the academy they teach you to suppress emotions, they tell you not to bother with love and friendship. I came home to your grandfather, upset because I thought I would have to cut my friends off, he just looked at me, much like you are now Kakashi, and he told me the truth. He said "Love like you've never loved before, hold on to your friends and family, just be prepared. Loss is worse than death." I never understood what he said, I thought death was the worst thing. I met your mother and she helped give me the drive to be a better shinobi. I wasn't ready when your mother left this earth but I don't regret a single thing. She gave me you, and I love you more than anything." _

All Kakashi did was stare in disbelief at the man who was nicknamed the White Fang for his killing skills. He didn't listen at first, the lesson was lost on Kakashi. Gai kept bothering him to be his friend and he pushed him away, but every once in a while, he would see the look on his father's face and cave in on a few competitions. It wasn't until Sakumo had ended his own life, when Kakashi truly felt the loss his father was talking about. He never wanted to go through that loss again, instead of throwing himself into the arms of another he retreated into his own head. He kept losing people and he kept retreating.

He wanted to feel what his father had felt, a love so strong he would move mountains for them but he knew the pain would be too great.

Until this very moment, on the battlefield, fighting Madara and Obito, he realized he was already moving mountains. Fighting so hard for someone and constantly maneuvering his way of life around one man. A man who was currently reaching the dreaded eighth gate - the gate that killed his father Maito Dai - just so he can put an end to the war. 

Gai was risking his life and all Kakashi can do is scream his name, trying to find a way out of this mess without losing someone he loved more than anything in his entire life. He was crying out of both eyes now, freely in front of his resurrected sensei and Naruto, without any restraint. He had made it through the Pain attack, he promised Gai he would never leave him, and Gai promised the same. Gai can hear the pain in Kakashi's voice and all he could do was turn and smile, telling his love that it was okay and that he loved him.

Kakashi stood there, watching the love of his life succumb to the gates, praying to all the gods that he would be able to hear those words one more time, "I love you". He knew Minato was watching him, he can feel the grief building from Naruto, who was positioned right behind him. A surge of chakra and an angry scream later, Naruto was barreling to Madara, the intent to kill was suffocating.

The Copy Nin took this moment to bolt towards Gai's body, in an attempt to remove him from the carnage. Gai's breathing was shallow and his right leg was disappearing. Kakashi tried to keep his cool in front of the man he loved, not wanting to stress the dying man out. Gai opened his eyes to look at Kakashi and he lost it.

"Please Gai don't leave me, don't go. We still have things to do together." He couldn't help the sobs causing him to shake. All Gai did was smile.

"Like what Rival?" He coughed out. He only had a few more minutes and he was glad they were with Kakashi, the man he loved.

"We are still tied in our competitions. We still need to retire together. We need-" He was cut off by a loud explosion that jerked his attention over to Madara. Kakashi's resolve was non-existent now and all he could think to do was tell Gai something that would hopefully get him to live long enough for someone to come help.

"We have yet to get married. Gai, marry me. I love you more than anything and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Kakashi bent down to kiss his beloved rival on his lips, before Gai’s heart stuttered to a stop. Kakashi was still trying to hear Gai's heartbeat to no avail. He let it all out, he was pissed off about Madara, he was angry they couldn't find another way around it, but most importantly he was heartbroken. His father’s words were reaching into his head, "Loss is greater than death," and he was right. His father was right.

Kakashi heard Naruto yell for help and he seen Minato get thrown across the field. The Copy Nin was prepared to die if it meant seeing Gai again, he knew that Gai would be pissed off at him for being so reckless but at this point he didn't care. Rock Lee made it to his sensei's body and Kakashi felt that the kid could protect Gai's body from sustaining any more damage. He got up, nodded at Lee who was also crying, and joined Naruto and Sakura in the fight.

Kakashi had missed when Naruto passed Gai's body, whipped around and threw a seal on his chest. He had missed Gai's first breath when he came back to life. He was in some other realm, fighting side by side with his team and Obito, content on the thought of his own death

When he had come back and the Sage of Six Paths had finished talking to him, Kakashi raced back over to Gai, surprised to see the seal and his chest rising and falling. Relief washed over him as he sat down next to his Gai’s body. They were going to be okay.

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They made it back to Konoha in record time, the injured immediately taken to the hospital. Sakura, Tsunade and Shizune raced to heal the gravely wounded shinobi. Kakashi was relieved to hear that Tsunade was personally seeing to Gai's recovery. The seal Naruto placed over his heart was to keep his chakra in place, it was a focal healing point. Sakura was taking care of Naruto and Sasuke, their final battle ended with them both missing an arm.

Kakashi wasn't allowed to visit Gai just yet, he has been in and out of operations since he got home, however Kakashi had been in both Naruto and Sasuke's room. They were not allowed to get roomed together due to the nature of their current relationship, but it was nice to see them talk about the other. 

Sasuke was quiet, he had listened to Kakashi and Tsunade talk about his possible imprisonment. He took it better than Kakashi thought he would. The Uchiha asked if Naruto was okay, Tsunade told him that Naruto has taken Hashirama's cells and his arm is healing. The flash of sadness in his eyes was not missed by Kakashi.

Naruto was more vocal. Tsunade left Kakashi and him alone once and Naruto asked his teacher if Gai was okay. With all of the post war mess he had briefly forgotten that Naruto had seen him cry. Naruto was tense until Kakashi said he was okay. Before he left his student, he bent down and gave him a hug, silently thanking him for saving the love of his life.

Naruto and Sasuke were discharged from the hospital for a week before Gai was allowed visitors. The Copy Nin had to keep telling himself not to cry when he seen Gai, but as soon as he saw his lover’s bright smile, he let all the tears flow freely. Gai was sitting up with his right leg in a cast, the leg Tsunade tried so hard to save. He had declined the First Hokage's cells, he wanted someone who really needed them to have a chance. As noble as that made Gai, Kakashi thought it was stupid, he's only 33, he had more years to live. Gai made it sound like he was old and on death’s door. Kakashi remained silent on that matter however, he knew it was a battle he couldn't win. As long as Gai was happy.

“Oh before I forget my dear Rival, I wanted to ask you something.” Gai shifted around on the hospital bed, unsure of how to approach this question. 

“Yes, Gai?” 

“When I was dying I heard you ask me something but I’m almost positive it was just a dream.” Kakashi was standing next to Gai’s bed waiting for him to continue speaking. “Did you ask me to marry you?” 

Gai was staring intently at Kakashi as if Kakashi was going to laugh and tell him no. Instead Kakashi got down on one knee and properly asked the love of his life to marry him. This time, while Gai was conscious and in a better state of mind. The tears were flowing out of Gai’s eyes as he fervently screamed his answer. 

“Yes My Love, of course!” They kissed and Gai was off already talking about the wedding. Kakashi just sat in the chair next to his fiance’s bed and watched, his heart full of love and admiration for the man. 

Physical therapy was a mess, Gai would try and over exert himself thinking it would make the process faster, but it was only making his injury worse. It wasn't until Kakashi mentioned the wedding where Gai slowed down. Gai wanted to be done and walking down the aisle as soon as possible, that meant listening to the nurse and taking it easy.

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Their relationship hit a snag when Kakashi mentioned Sasuke's trial. Kakashi didn't want Sasuke imprisoned forever and if the council had it their way, the kid would die for his crimes. Kakashi mentioned the possibility of banishment and he fell apart. He failed Sasuke as a teacher and he is going to fail him as a leader. Gai was silent while Kakashi was venting and he remained so until Gai was released from the hospital and at Kakashi's apartment. The Copy Nin thought he was mad at him, for worrying about a traitor. Gai wheeled around Kakashi's apartment as if he was looking for something, his face unreadable. That night, over dinner Gai finally spoke up. 

"My Love, why don't you ask the council to see if they will grant him a monitored release. He can stay here with me while you work and we can both help him on the right path again? We have an extra room here if I keep sleeping in your room, and you are going to be the new Hokage, they can't say no." Gai was thinking about the solution the whole time. 

Kakashi was shocked at first but it made sense. Gai was stuck here until the nurse gave him the clear to walk with crutches and he will grow antsy if he is closed in by himself. Kakashi contemplated it and then set his heart on fixing his mistake.

To Kakashi and Gai's relief, they released Sasuke into their care, with the stipulations that he never leaves the village, he gets an ANBU guard 24/7 and he goes to weekly therapy in Ino’s new mental health ward. 

The Uchiha had agreed begrudgingly but it was between death or jail and once he made it past the threshold of Kakashi's apartment he let out a sigh of relief and accepted his fate. He even accepted Tsunade's offer to have Hashirama's cells to rebuild his arm. Naruto practically cried at the news.

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Kakashi's coronation ceremony was a blur, all he remembered was the hug Tsunade and Gai gave him. The cheering and celebration made him uncomfortable. He never wanted this position but he made one last promise to Obito and maybe he can change some things while he's in office.

The following night Sakura invited the Konoha 12 plus Sai, Yamato, Kurenai, Gai and Kakashi to her place for a small party. Kakashi didn't have a chance to let his emotions catch up with his brain, so when he seen everyone happy and together, he had to excuse himself to cry. He loved everybody in that room. He didn't know when he fell into this mess but he did and he would be forever grateful for everything they have done for him. They taught him that it was really okay to love again, to hold someone close, and to cherish each moment he had with them. If he could tell his past self that it really does get better, that he found someone to love and that he would be sitting in his student's bathroom sobbing over the amount of love he has in his heart, younger him would shit a brick. He sat for a few more minutes, trying to hide the fact he cried and then left the bathroom. Kakashi should've known better than to hide his tears because Neji spotted it quickly. To divert the attention from just him to Gai and him, he told the group that they were getting married. The only ones not screeching were Sasuke - who had seen them kiss more times than he could count, and Neji - who had a bet that they would get together. More alcohol was consumed and soon it turned into a wedding party.

When Gai, Sasuke and Kakashi finally made it home, Sasuke went straight into his room giving them some space. Kakashi took that moment to sit on Gai's lap and kiss him like his life depended on it.

He had gotten his war time wish, many times over. 

"I love you."

"I love you too, Kakashi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing the change that Kakashi goes through because one man changed his whole world view. The next and last chapter will be the best one in my opinion so hang in there !


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's almost 6k worth of cute domestic Kakagai and wedding bliss to finish this fic off. A few things, I got tired of writing the Konoha 12 plus Sai so it's the Konoha 13 bc he counts. Also I love the idea of recuperating Sasuke reintegrating himself with the group with Gai's help so there's some cute Sasuke stuff. Inoichi and Shikaku didn't die in the war either.

"My love, remember to lift with your knees and not your back!" Gai was wheeling around the apartment while Sasuke and Kakashi were packing. They decided to buy a house somewhere closer to the Hokage tower and the Academy. Gai was beginning to get restless at home so Kakashi assigned him to be the new Taijutsu teacher at the Academy. Iruka helped ease Gai into the new role as teacher. He was so excited to teach young minds again that he cried during the Academy Opening Ceremony. He had two dozen admirers and they were adorable. They all had little green jumpsuits and they shouted about youth. Kakashi didn't regret the assignment one bit. Gai would come home after teaching to tell an unenthused Sasuke about all the kids he taught.

The distance between the Academy and their shared apartment was too far and it usually left Gai somewhat winded. The apartment also didn't have a ramp, Kakashi tried putting one in or switching the apartment with someone on the ground level but Gai told him not to worry and that it was good training. Sasuke however had seen him struggle up the stairs once and now Sasuke waits at the bottom of the steps, for Gai to come home, to help him up the stairs. There was only a handful of times where Sasuke actually had to carry the man up the steps.

Kakashi was generally too tired from the long walk and long day that he would often bypass dinner in exchange for his bed and some night time cuddles from his future husband. Sasuke would bring some food to a knocked out Kakashi and attempt to make him eat. Some days it worked and others Kakashi was too tired to try.

So, it was no surprise when it was Sasuke who told them they needed to move into a house closer to their jobs. Naruto was trying as hard as he could to catch up but it looks like it will be another three years. Three years of Sasuke helping the two most ridiculous shinobi was too much for the three of them to handle so they went house hunting. They managed to snag a nice place with a huge garden in the front yard and a massive back yard. It also had a built in ramp, all in perfect distance from the Tower and Academy. Sasuke wanted the garden to plant his tomatoes, Gai wanted a place for Ningame to stretch his legs, and of course all of Kakashi's dogs wanted a piece of the backyard.

"I am lifting with my knees Gai, why don't you go get Lee and Kiba, they aren't on any missions and they can help us out." Kakashi needed Gai out of the apartment before Sasuke strangles him. The Copy Nin was used to Gai trying to help but he kept getting in Sasuke's way and it was starting to get a little tense.

"Okay my dear love, I will fetch some help!" He throws his wheelchair over the side of the apartments front balcony and then launches himself over the railing, to meet his wheelchair at the bottom.

"Ridiculous idiot." Sasuke threw down the box he was holding after Gai left.

"Careful Sasuke, that's MY idiot." Kakashi dropped the box he was holding on top of the one Sasuke threw down. Sasuke rolled his eyes and sat down on the plastic wrapped couch.

"When are you guys going to get married, you have been engaged for two years." Sasuke leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes. They have been at it since Gai woke them up at 4 am. They needed to be out of the apartment by midnight tonight and like all things, Kakashi pushed packing up, back until the last possible moment. Kakashi plopped down next to his old student and sighed.

"I don't know, we are still working some details out." Kakashi was okay with the idea of a quick wedding, no frills just sign the paper and then kiss. Nothing too over the top. Gai wanted his closest friends there, which meant all the students. Kakashi could've settled for with that after some convincing, but Gai has several hundred closest friends and Kakashi couldn’t handle it.

Sasuke just grunted and then got back up to finish carrying the boxes to the doorstep. Gai came back with an excited Rock Lee, Kiba and Yamato about an hour later. Everything is all packed up, all they had to do was move it. Yamato was smart enough to make a cart that can be attached to Akamaru. Lee wanted to carry the couch all by himself but they decided that adding wheels to the furniture was the best option.

They all made it to the new house and unloaded everything into the house before 10 pm. Kakashi thanked everyone and treated them to ramen, Sasuke was too tired to eat out, he had fallen asleep on the couch. After the group ate and left, Kakashi lifted Sasuke off the couch and into the room he had picked out. The bed was already set up thanks to Lee, so he just set him down and pulled the blankets up.

Kakashi then makes his way past all the boxes and picks Gai up to take him across the living room and onto their bed.

"You know I can move by myself, my love?" Gai laughed softly as he gets undressed.

"Your chair would just be too noisy and Sasuke would wake up." Kakashi hums and then throws himself on the bed next to Gai. "That wouldn't be fair to him, he barely sleeps as it is." He sighed and grabbed Gai's face, planting small soft kisses on his cheeks. They haven't gotten past the heavy petting stage of their relationship and while he is content with it, he knows Gai wants to go further. They were so busy that by the time they got home they were too tired to do much. Maybe once they settle into a routine, finish moving and the wedding was done, they might have the energy.

"We should really get to planning the wedding." Kakashi muttered against his lover's neck. Gai had rolled on top of him to get a better angle to kiss that spot he loves so much. Gai looked up at him and grunted.

"What did you want my dear rival?"

"Something small and quiet. Some friends like ten of them and then we sign a paper and be done with it. I don't want it to be a big deal."

Gai wrinkled his nose and then laid his head on Kakashi's chest.

"Something small and quiet sounds great. Let's do it." A few minutes after agreeing they fell asleep, the days work catching up with them.

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Unfortunately, somehow Lee had found out about the quiet affair and went to tell the others. Gai must've let it slip when Lee asked him about the wedding. They had no idea the other kids would have a problem with it.

They all had offered their services during the "Mandatory Family dinner". Everyone was supposed to rotate houses and host a dinner. Sakura coined the name and Ino said it was good for our after war brains. Keeping up to date with everything and enjoying each others company was the lifestyle after the group of them had gotten home and rebuilt Konoha after the war. Kakashi missed the first two dinners which prompted the entire Konoha 13 plus Gai, Yamato and Kurenai, to bring dinner to his office. So once a month he makes it his personal mission to go to whoever's house and have a good time. 

They didn't even give Gai and Kakashi a chance to say no. They looked so cute and excited that the two men just accepted it.

They all wanted them to have a party, a ceremony with all the things that came with it. Ino and Choji had offered their clan's services for food and flowers. Neji and Hinata wanted to do the music, apparently Hinata can kill it on the piano. Shikamaru asked his father to maneuver missions around so that some of the Jonin who were friends with the pair can come. Shino promised to release butterflies instead of birds, he thought that was more romantic, Gai cried and hugged him. Sakura and Naruto will become ordained, Sakura knew Tsunade would help them. Sasuke refused to say what part he was in and whatever he was doing, Kiba was involved. The pair set off warning bells in Kakashi's head but he decided to see what they had planned. Rock Lee wanted to be the organizer, he wanted to put all of their ideas together and make it work. Tenten and Gai were up to something but he couldn't pinpoint it. There was a knowing smile on his future husband's face so he left it alone. Whatever it was, it was going to be good and Kakashi didn't want to press it.  
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Three weeks before the wedding Ino had shown up at their door with a sample bunch of flowers and Inoichi. "I really need you to hurry and choose the flowers, my father needs some time to make sure they are perfect for you two." An exasperated Ino was trying to push some roses on the new couple but Gai told her they were too youthful. Which didn't make any sense to both Kakashi and Inoichi but the flowers were Gai's domain. Kakashi had the food and Gai had the flowers. They split the responsibility straight down the middle. "What about lilacs?" They were in season and very beautiful, Kakashi loved the smell of them and Gai looked somewhat content on the idea. They settled on pink and light purple lilacs, the bouquets will line the seats that Yamato insisted on making.

Kurenai was a great decorator so she was in charge of the table settings. Mirai also threw in some of her art expertise. She apparently hated the green tablecloths and she loved the yellow ones. So they went with yellow, not wanting to make the four year old cry again. Kakashi and Gai didn't mind it though, they were just happy with everyone working together.  
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The week before the wedding, Naruto decided that he wanted to take Kakashi and Gai to a bathhouse in a town near the Land of Steam. Shikaku took up the Hokage spot for the day and they went. It was nice, calm and very suspicious. It turned out that Sasuke had gotten tired of the slow unpacking so he asked Sakura to help, she told Naruto to get rid of them for the day and she brought everyone else in to take part.

When the couple returned home they saw the place was all put together and all the kids were sleeping in the living room, the TV blasting some weird monster movie, that was no doubt from Neji's collection. Gai cried and woke everyone up but at Kakashi's instance they stayed and had a sleepover.

Before Kakashi had fallen asleep he looked on the crowd of kids in his living room and smiled. It was a nice view. They had just survived the worst war and now they finally get a chance to be themselves, instead of child soldiers. His gaze fell on Sasuke, who was currently sleeping on Naruto's stomach with Kiba entangled in the Uchiha's arms. He was so happy the brooding teen had found a spot with the group again. Gai had mentioned that the Konoha 13 were all like his adopted children and he loved them all. Kakashi was starting to feel the same way. He fell asleep in his lovers arms, with a huge smile on his face.

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The day before the wedding Kakashi decided to show his face. The mask was annoying him and he'd have to take it off to kiss his handsome husband so it's better they see now. The night before they had hosted the Mandatory Family Dinner and they all plowed through cases of sake. Gai told them to all stay over because there was no way they could all make it home without getting lost or hurt. The next morning Kakashi bypassed the mask and threw on the Ninken paw print shirt Gai gave him a few years ago. The Copy Nin told his soon to be husband about his plan so Gai was already awake and in the kitchen. He wanted to see their faces. Sasuke was the only one who had seen his face and he wasn't too impressed. Naruto and Sakura were still obsessed with seeing his face and they continuously roped everyone else into their crazy schemes.

Gai was making breakfast so the smell of food woke everyone. At first no one noticed, either they were too tired or they didn't feel like anything was out of place. Of course it was Neji who noticed first and instead of saying anything he just smirked and nodded. Ino was the one that blew up. Everyone was upset that he hid his face for so long, Shikamaru claimed it was anticlimactic, which earned him a punch from Ino. She thought he was beautiful. Kakashi couldn't hold back his laughter and his smile must've been a sight because everyone shut up and blushed or smiled wider. Naruto's reaction was the best however, he had rubbed his eyes, squinted, then left the house only to come back with a camera.

"I never want to forget this moment." Naruto made everyone bunch together and he used a shadow clone to take the picture. They all wanted a copy as soon as possible. It was one of Kakashi's favorite days to look back upon. He had put the group photo in his office, while Gai put his in his classroom.

________________________________________________

The day of the wedding, Gai refused to see Kakashi. Gai was already awake and long gone by the time the Copy Nin woke up. Sasuke had shaken him awake, so he won't be late to his own wedding. Naruto was in the kitchen making coffee and Sakura was ironing Kakashi's suit. Naruto informed him that Team Gai had picked up his very soon to be husband, and they were all going to meet by the Nara clan forest. They were having an issue finding a venue until Shikamaru mentioned there's a really nice clearing in the middle of his clan's forest. They needed a Nara escort but Shikamaru told them not to worry about it. Both men left everything to their friends and students so they haven't seen the set up or the clearing.

While Kakashi was fretting about his suit he started worrying about the set up and if the venue was actually okay for this event. He was also worried about Gai's chair and if they could wheel it through the grass. It spiraled into full blown panic. He wished Gai was there to help him. His team had sensed his panic and reassured him that if anything was out of place or not up to par for the wedding they would've stepped in and changed it.

Their words calmed him down a little and they made their way to the forest. Naruto was trying to fill Kakashi in on the order of things and then he asked him if they were saying their own vows. Gai had wanted to do something personal for the wedding so they both agreed on writing their own vows. It was cute at the moment and now it was terrifying.

Shikamaru had met them and escorted them to the venue. When they entered the clearing Kakashi almost cried. It was beautiful. The sun shone through the twists and curves of the tallest tree branches letting in an angelic spot light. The benches Yamato made matched the dark color of trees and at the focal point, the place where Gai and Kakashi were to exchange their promises of the future, Yamato had made a canopy of flowers and tree branches. There was a large dome with doors by the back of the setup, the dome where Gai was going to walk out and greet his future husband. Flowers littered the whole setup, pink and light purple lilac bunches accented the benches and the aisle. The Yamanka clan does not mess around with their flower arrangements. Everything looked meticulously put together and even more beautiful than Kakashi imagined.

Shikamaru patted Kakashi's back and smiled at him, "Told you it was beautiful." The Copy Nin was passed off to Ino who straightened his tie and added a small lilac bunch to his pocket. She half dragged, half led Kakashi to the spot he was supposed to stand on before she yelled for people to start sitting down. She turned to give him a small smile and an arm squeeze. Sasuke had left to find Kiba and Sakura was trying to locate Naruto so they can start the ceremony.

Kakashi spent the next few seconds trying to remember all the decisions that landed him here. He has been so happy the last few years, standing next to Gai. It was a huge learning curve for him to work around another person's feelings. He didn't understand Gai's need to be near him until he found himself pining for the man. As much as Kakashi didn't want to admit, Gai has changed him from some cold blooded kid, who hated being touched and told that he was loved, to a soft man who begged for Gai's love. The change wasn't drastic and it took a lot of time and patience to get to this point. He looked out at the sea of people who he loved and cherished, they were here to see him and Gai finally get married. He smiled, at first the idea of a huge wedding terrified him, but now he was glad they had convinced him to do it big. 

Hinata started up the traditional wedding march on the piano and it jerked Kakashi out of his thoughts. He turned around to face the dome and for the first time that day he let a tear fall. Mirai was wobbling down the aisle in a yellow dress, dropping flower petals and giggling. It was precious, her mother and all of Team Asuma were crying. Lee walked out next, wearing a nice light green suit and then Tenten, wearing a traditional Chinese dress that was dark green and gold. At this point Kakashi was extremely worried about Gai's chair being caught up in the material leading from the dome to Kakashi's feet.

He didn't have to though. Gai walked out of the dome, no chair, and with no help. Kakashi looked immediately at Gai's bad leg to see a brace, Tenten must've made him a brace so he could walk down the aisle, a dream Gai had shared with Kakashi one night. The Copy Nin had to choke back a sob. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lee and Tenten fist bump, confirming his suspicions. Gai was wearing a dark green suit and he had a bouquet of light purple lilacs. He wore his bright white smile all the way to Kakashi.

"You look very handsome my love." Gai whispered to Kakashi when they met. All Kakashi could respond with was a small sob. Gai laughed softly and kissed Kakashi's forehead.

Sakura started off the ceremony and Naruto was to finish it. When they got to the vows Kakashi felt like he was going to throw up. He didn't want to disappoint Gai with anything lackluster. He spent hours on the vows but he knew Gai's would be better.

Gai went first. "My beloved Rival, I knew I wanted to marry you from the moment I laid eyes on you at the Academy entrance. I had failed that year and you were on your way to passing and shortly graduating. I had always wanted to close the seemingly large gap between us, however I found that you are just like me. You needed someone to guide you through all the rough patches and I needed someone to tell me everything was going to be okay. Over the years the gap between us shrank and we trusted each other more, I knew then that my dream would come true. I promise to always give you bear hugs when you are sad, to be your listening ear for all matters, to make sure you know you are loved every day. I swear to protect your heart and cherish every minute I have with you on this beautiful earth."

When Gai had finished there was not a dry eye in the whole place. Even Ibiki was wiping a tear away. Kakashi remembered the day he was talking about, he was rude as hell to Gai until his father forced him to be nicer. He silently thanked his father before he said his vows.

"Gai I love you. I love the way you crashed into my apartment and forced me to smile. I love the way you look at the simplest of things, as if the fruit on the trees or the warmth of the sun was the best thing to ever bless your eyes. You gave me a new perspective on life and you gave me meaning. You stayed by my side through the worst of it and you have the patience of a saint. I was a broken kid with very little hope for finding someone who would love me and you were right in front of me the whole time. I promise to hold you when you need it, to keep that smile on your face from fading, and to not buy more than 30 dogs at one time."

That last part was a lie and they both knew it, but it added a little bit of light into the tearful vows. Everything else was true and straight from his heart. He really didn't think he would find someone who would love him. More tears erupted from Gai's eyes. Naruto took a second to gather himself before he asked the ring bearers to come forward. On queue two puppies came forward with little pillows in their mouths, silver rings were tied to the pillows so they wouldn't fly off as the dogs made their way down the aisle. Kakashi realized that this was what Sasuke and Kiba were up to. Sakura grabbed the pillows and gave each man their ring. They put them on each other and then Naruto said those beautiful words he's been dying to hear.

"I now pronounce you husband and husband, You can kiss now." Kakashi can hear a "Thank Kami" somewhere in the crowd, it sounded like Inoichi, before he got on his tip toes and kissed Gai. That kiss was on the top ten best kisses list. Gai grabbed his hips and pulled him closer. When they broke apart, the crowd clapped and cheered. The ring bearing dogs were licking at Kakashi’s ankles and Gai was holding his hand. Shino released the butterflies, and he was right, they were more beautiful and romantic than doves. Kakashi was the happiest person in the whole world, next to Gai of course, who was still crying next to him. 

Lee told everyone that the reception is a two minute walk from here and the guests got up to follow Tenten. Gai and Kakashi waded through the crowds of “Congrats” and “I love you guys”, before they made it into the dome. They wanted a little bit of silence to themselves before they go back out into the crowd. Kakashi took Gai by his waist and kissed him more passionately. He’s waited for this day to come since the war and he wasn’t about to let this moment slip by. Gai broke the kiss too soon in Kakashi’s opinion. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there this morning. Tenten wanted to make sure the final adjustments to the brace was perfect.” Gai motioned toward the brace. 

“Does it hurt? Are you in pain?” Kakashi nearly forgot that his husband had a brace on. His movements were so fluid that it was almost like he never got hurt. 

“Well that’s the thing, Neji and Sasuke tried to convince me to get Hashirama’s cells, at least to stop the pain. It was so unbearable during physical therapy that I, The Blue Beast of Konoha, The Man of Eternal Youth, almost quit. Neji had seen me cry and he was going to get you but I begged him not to. I wanted so much to walk with you down the aisle. I knew that you would help me and take care of any of my needs but the pain is a constant reminder of my failure in the war. Sasuke practically hit me when I told him my body wasn’t worth the cells. He told me that I have the ability to heal completely and yet I was punishing myself for my supposed failure. Neji reminded me that I could teach my precious new students better if I could move. They both threw me at Tsunade so she could tell me that I wouldn’t need all of the cells and that the pain will subside but I needed to wear a brace while my bones were growing back. Tenten made it so it could match my exact needs. So to answer your question My Love, it does hurt but not nearly as bad as it has been and the pain I feel now is a very welcoming pain. A final sign of healing.” 

Kakashi just stood there stunned, he had no idea his leg hurt him that much. Thanks to Neji, Sasuke and Tenten, they managed to convince him to not live in pain, and to move forward. Kakashi was the king of self sabotage but he hated himself for missing the way Gai was punishing himself over not killing Madara when he had the chance. The thought of Gai suffering to try and redeem himself even though he managed to weaken Madara to the point to where Naruto can land a finishing blow, made Kakashi’s heart hurt. He didn’t realize he was crying until Gai was wiping away a tear. 

“Don’t you ever hide anything like that ever again. If you are in pain you tell me, I hate the idea of you suffering in silence.” Kakashi was crying harder now. He felt like he was being selfish, forcing Gai to do something he couldn’t do himself, but for Gai maybe he can try. “I’ll tell you everything if you do.” The Copy Nin wrapped his arms around his husband and cried into his chest. It was more than the idea of Gai in pain, now it was all the tears he wanted to let out during the vows, seeing Gai walk down the aisle, and all of the anxieties of the day. Gai held Kakashi and rubbed his back, letting him get it all out. When Kakashi finally settled down, Gai grabbed his chin and forced him to look up at him. 

“Kakashi, I will tell you everything from here on out. I’m sorry I kept quiet, I just knew you had so much on your plate. I didn’t want to worry you.” He kissed Kakashi like his life depended on it. Kakashi hummed and then separated from his husband. 

“Even if I have so much on my plate, I will always make time for you. Are you happy that you are using the First Hokage’s cells?” Kakashi asked just to make sure that he was doing it for himself and not because he thought it would make Kakashi happy. 

“Yes. I am no longer in pain and I can look past my failure and see my successes instead. Look at the friends we made and our beautiful students, celebrating this day with us. If I didn’t sacrifice my life in the battle field we wouldn’t be here with them.” Gai knew he weakened Madara, he knew he forced the terrifying Uchiha back and away from the main fighting, saving countless others from death. He just needed a reminder that he played a valuable role despite being defeated. Although if he were really defeated, he would be dead and not in his husband’s arms. 

“Okay as long as you are happy. I love you Gai.” Kakashi kissed his husband. “We better get going before they send a search party.” Gai laughed and they leave the dome to make their way to the reception. They were only in the dome for five minutes and the group didn’t start anything until they showed up. Shikamaru figured they were having a moment so he used it to show off the forest. 

Everyone made their way to their designated tables, Lee had put team Gai and Team Kakashi on one table including Yamato and Sai. Most of the teams and families were seated together much to Gai’s delight. They sat and ate the Akimichi clan’s delicious food, Kakashi made sure eggplant was in everything. Gai shared some funny stories, some challenges that turned ridiculous. Halfway through Lee had made a speech about his glorious youthful sensei and the bold love between the newlyweds while crying harder than he ever has before. Tenzo took the mantle for speaking on behalf of his senpai. His speech wasn’t long but it highlighted the things Yamato picked up between Gai and Kakashi. It was a great speech and he hugged his kohai afterward. Neji had gotten a group of musical Hyuga to play during the entire length of the reception. Kakashi tried to pay them but no one was having it. They wanted to honor the Hokage that pushed for the end of the curse mark by law. It didn’t stop him from slipping some money in their cases. 

The reception lasted well into the night, the moon was providing the necessary light to keep the party going. Gai was getting tired so Kakashi said the thank yous and goodbyes to everyone, highlighting his group of students for having a plan and sticking through it. He might not have the sharingan anymore, but his wedding was never leaving his memory. There were some cheers before the newlywed couple snuck out ready to go home and sleep. 

Kakashi made it home before Gai, he wanted to say something to Tsunade, so he had a chance to get undressed and jump in the shower before his husband got home. He said husband out loud a few times, loving the feeling he felt from saying it. 

Gai came in a few minutes later. Kakashi can hear him take his brace off and then a few seconds later he stepped into the bathroom, ready to join him in the shower. Kakashi laughs when Gai checked Kakashi out, like he’s never seen him naked before. He pulls his husband in the hot shower, cocking an eyebrow in silent question. 

“It’s different when we are married you know, it’s not all lust, there more love now.” Gai explained, getting slightly red. Kakashi nuzzled his face into Gai’s muscular and wet chest. Gai is going to love the plans he had for his handsome husband tonight, if they can just make it out of the shower and on the bed. 

_______________________________

“Hey dad, you were right you know. About everything. I should've listened to you from the start. You knew Gai was perfect for me and I can’t thank you enough for what you have done for me. I’m so happy now. I miss you every day but I know you have finally crossed over and you are with mom and everyone else. Give her a kiss for me.” Kakashi had stopped visiting his father’s grave every morning, he knew he used it as a coping mechanism but he talked to his husband about everything now and there’s no need to stand in the rain for four hours a day lamenting. His quick death and meeting with his father helped heal any other emotional wounds. Now he only shows up at his grave with good things to share. He had finally retired from being Hokage, Naruto took up the mantle, after the post war paperwork was all wrapped up of course. The kid had impeccable timing. Today was special however, it was their four year anniversary. He promised not to stay here too long but he can feel the two people waiting for him getting antsy. 

“My love?” Gai was standing a short distance away from him, giving Kakashi some space. Gai’s leg is completely healed and he’s the top teacher at the Academy. Kakashi really got a good one. 

“I’m done Gai, we can go now, I’m sorry it took so long.” Kakashi placed his hand on the grave and turned to face his husband and their 5 year old adopted son. “Did you want ramen or BBQ tonight, Houki?” He picked up his son who was screaming for ramen, and kissed Gai. He’s finally at peace with life. 

“I love you Kakashi.” 

“I love you too Gai.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make this the ending of it since the beginning so I thoroughly enjoyed writing it. Thank you to everyone who commented or hit the kudos button, you guys helped me finish this almost 10 year old fic.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote part of this fic in 2009 and I decided to retouch and update it now that I know the end of Naruto. It's also my first chapter fic because I hate cliffhangers so I tend to write things to the end however this fic is so long and I have to write an ending and sort through my 2009 era hand writing, this was the best course of action. I'll try and update as soon and as frequent as I can!


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